Fear and Hope

As I walked up the stairs from the basement carpark after sending Ying Hong home, a feeling of melancholy crept up.  It must be the surroundings again.  The moon, the dim lighting around the nicely landscaped pool always put me into thoughts..sometime relaxing, sometime philosophical.

I feel fear tonight.  

I admit to the night --  I am afraid, afraid of life.  That youtube video I watched a month ago is so right.   We are in this world alone and we fight and figure things out ourselves.  

Ying Hong and her friends will sit for their O levels exams from tomorrow.  I will start with a new job next week...every step in life is a challenge.  We learn and shape ourselves to overcome them.  Be prepared, I always say.  Some lucky ones have someone on their side.. through thick and thin, with a life partner.

At this age, I know well that everyone comes alone and leaves alone, can't depend on another really.  Everyone has his own problems.  Who would want to care and understand another's and help shoulder it? Only when there is love..

Maybe he is too occupied and too busy at this stage to want to take on more... he needs to manage and see how it goes.  Well, I have learnt you can't force or pressurise anyone into it. 

As I walked around the pool, I noticed the colourful fairy lights framing many windows in the Condo towers. Oh yes, it is Deevali... the festival of lights.   Across culture, people look to light, brightness, as signs of hope and happiness.  I must say the blinking lights are soothing and seem to wake up some optimism in me.

Let's remember to treasure and cherish, be less critical of myself and of others, don't think so much. Learn to be of more control and there would be a higher chance of a desired outcome.

Time to march on...

Gone..

The news didn't come as a big surprise but still I sensed a hint of sadness.

Old dog Keeda is gone,  my friend told me she was put to sleep last week.  I hope she didn't suffer much.

She was such a cute and friendly dog, pouncing on me (always almost knocking me over) to have me scratch her each time I visited.

I never had a pet dog, but Keeda made me understand what joy and loyalty a dog provides.  I contemplated having one, maybe when I retire...

Do dogs go to heaven?  I wonder.  

Not something to ponder now, but I am grateful she cheered me up many times... RIP. 

Be grateful for what we have...

Have been reminding myself these days to be grateful for what I have and not to focus on what is lacking .

I am so grateful to my kind and dear friends who came forward to make me feel better last month. :) Tks to M dropping by with a bottle to chat with me; Tks to N for readily offering contacts for help ; Tks to Ching E for providing all her usual wise advices to make me see things from different perspective ; Tks to P for the timely call and encouragement and the wonderful list of weblinks...:)

There are also so many weddings happening these few weeks. These couples are so lovely and I really feel deeply they are meant for each other and complete each other. JM& Su, Jasmine&Philip, Zihui&Jack.. remember to be grateful for each other and cherish!

Congrats and wish you a life time of happiness together!

Bali Retreat....

So glad I went along with Annie and Kodi to the Yoga retreat holiday in Taman Ahimsa in Seminyak, Bali. This was my first time in Bali, and such a lazy and relaxing time really did me a lot of good (well, beside being woken up by Cock crowing and dogs barking before 6am).

Felt like I was having a holiday with a big family in a big house, taken care by a group of friendly and caring professionals. One dining room with a huge antique wood table so everyone sits together at every meal time, next to the kitchen; always served plenty of fruits and juices and also home made cookies for snacks during tea time; lots of lounging on comfy day beds, enjoying the sea breeze in a tranquil setting with lovely gardens. Blissed out.....
I managed to think a bit too, I am glad I have come to a point of acceptance of myself. Really, life is too short to attribute blame, just have to deal with things and look forward. Also, have realized the one single significant problem that needs to be worked on -- "Control".
I am still not there yet, and a lot of areas in my personal life that I fumbled through or even tumbled over, has to do with the lack of "Control". I know I am improving now, and will consciously work on it.

Meanwhile, I can't wait to plan another relaxing holiday to Ubud, perhaps next year...Ching E is already suggesting a villa that she fancies.....

Purpose, and positive changes..

Dear blog, sorry I have not taken the time to write, nor to change the template to a more decent, respectable one (promise will do that soon..).

Have been busy reviewing, bidding adieu to old stuff, and to envision a new way of life... a new road. I remember and feel so strongly with that quote from the movie "Eat Pray Love" :

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."
Well, sometimes we have to hit bottom, and reach total destruction before full re-construction can happen.. and to look at it in a good way, with ruins, the only way to go is up. Strengthening my mind, and consciously making positive changes here....I have been a master at ruins so far, time to construct the new road now...

Purpose... will have to spend more time thinking about that...

Lessons...

Life is truly a learning experience. While we continue to think and search for the purpose, there is so much to learn along the way...
I finally know that I have never really shown enough care for another.. It's true that it's not about what you say it's what you do, and you cannot ask for what you have not given. To those that we truly love, we should only give and not ask for anything in return...
That being said, we also need to know what we want and it should be a conscious choice to allow only those who "fit" to come into our lives. It is indeed heart wrenching and painful when that choice means you need to let go.. so be it. We need to be strong and march forward and strive for a better life ahead....Each of us is responsible for his/her own happiness and life.. good luck everyone!

Not taking for granted...

Many of us, very often, take the people closest to us for granted. I am guilty of this too, but I have become very aware of this and trying hard to avoid neglecting my loved ones, and try to improve my attitude and to spend more quality time..When possible, I ask myself everyday now -- What am I grateful for? ...

So glad that YongMan is back with Su (and so happy her parents have recovered), and the kids get to spend some timg doing things together too. Had a dinner party at mum's place to show appreciation to her brothers/sisters, and I am glad the catered dinner turned out to be of supreme quality, and we all had a great time...
High tea this afternoon was highlight for the kids, and all were well behaved and enjoyed (even though TingQi thought the one at Swissotel Stamford had more varities and was more exciting).